40: poem for the dreaming.

I'll float away now
Swim in my thoughts
brew my dreams
in lucid seas
reign for years 
and
see you.

hold your hand
brush your hair
hit your arm 
playfully
laugh with you

and slowly
find my way back
to my bed
tomorrow morning.

38: i hope i wont chicken out.

I've just finished wrapping Christmas gifts for the officemates. I have to admit I literally did not buy anything new for them. most of the gifts I'm giving away are part of my personal things - favorite dvds, books, etc. I do hope they appreciate them, or or or they pass them on to anyone ready to appreciate such stuff. I'm excited really, while wrapping them up. But right now while staring at the bundle of gifts, I'm a bit anxious about the many possible reactions I might see on my officemates as they open their gifts.

I do hope I get to give the gifts away. No really, I do hope.

Because I remember the last time I prepared mixed DVDs for my officemates, I ended up not giving them away. Only a handful I think did get them. The rest flew straight towards the trash can and I ended up going home a bit depressed because of the fact that burning mixed DVDs is all I can really afford as gifts. yeah boooohoo.

reduce reuse recycle.

37: awkward moment

People are dying in several areas in the country due to massive flooding and I feel bad being helpless about it. I would really like to share my usual tweets and thoughts but anything happening around me seems trivial right now. I think I'll refrain from posting the usual stuff up until Christmas time and just pray instead for those affected by Sendong whenever I get the urge to post about other things.

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36: about being lazy

So this is a confession: I've been lazy this 2011.

I've had my share of plans, resolutions and commitments when 2011 started but I'm afraid like a lot of impulse bought books I have they all went straight into those plastic boxes I hid somewhere in my room.  I've been too comfortable, too happy, too contented. I watched a lot of shows I liked, read the most entertaining books, slept a lot (but not in the right proportions) waited on people a lot, sang a lot talked a lot.  But I'm saying this now my friend, all those things are so 2011. 


This coming year things are going to change. I've been dreaming too long waiting too long. I've been too careful.

This year I will rediscover my passions. I will make my work my day job. I've been thinking about this for a time now and maybe this is what's  bugging me all along: I'm making a terrible excuse of myself being some sort of breadwinner that's why I didn't take the risks - all those opportunities from way back. Well this time around I will start something new.
When I think of it, all the things i've set my eyes upon years ago - I really haven't tried anything to reach them.  Let's see this year.

I will find my music. When I find it, I will dance with it.

35: Christmas doodles

We had a great night at M's house preparing gifts for her co-workers and I've been given the chance to add a little personal touch to the cards attached on the wrappers. She gave me a brief description of each person and here's what we've done so far:

 

Hmm I do hope they'll like it.

34: about myself.

Earlier this evening I was telling my friends that I've recently concluded I'm not sociable. Sure I easily give away smiles and greetings even to complete strangers but most of the time I keep to myself or only to one or two people at a time. I enjoy big groups but at the end of the day it's those moments spent with a few people that linger.

Looking back at our conversation I now realize that I do not need to be apologetic about the way I am. This is me: I'm built this way. I laugh easily,  I get teary eyed easily. I find joy in mundane things.  I easily back off people whenever I feel the slightest amount of discomfort.   But most of the time I pursue intimate conversations and company and for that people find it uncomfortable to go alone with me. Thank God there are still those that listen, laugh and are willing to be dragged to places I want to go.

I ride with the wind, come with me. 

33: about shouting silently.

Sometimes it's sad really, when you feel differently about certain things and people around you are already of one mind about it. It's like being in one big open field yet you still need air. Like shouting but never hearing your voice. Something like that. But hey, this is just me talking. Maybe this is my way of telling that yes, I'm longing to talk to someone who has a different opinion too.

Have you ever been in this situation or something remotely similar to this?

This is surely going to put me in earphone mode/solo mode in the next few days.

32: fondness for broken things and friendship on plates.

Heeeeey.

Eearlier we've chanced upon a small Japanese surplus shop around Parañaque. Now I must say that scouring such shop is one of my smaaall passions in life so even if M and I were supposed to go somewhere right away this morning, we took our time and had our hands dirty looking through boxes and boxes of goodies. here's what we got:

Collectors' plates! The artwork is classic manga/anime look, but I never really recognized the characters. Looking under the plate however helped decide that these two will go home with me:

 I loved the series back then, and although these are from another animation company entirely, this is still worth keeping for me.P20 each. mine!

Anybody recognize this??? Haha Geeky shivers when I found this under piles and piles of pokemon figures. Why is he mixed with those things?  This here, if you havent seen the movie yet, is just a harmless piece of junk. but upon waking up, haha...

for  P10 I will serve you, master.

Aanyway speaking of junk, here's another one i got for P20: one solid piece of vintage robot! I think he's a sparring robot. haha.

Ok fine he's missing an arm, but that makes him more endearing; now you can pose him like this and whenever you arrive home depressed just one look at him and wooza you're already a lucky guy by far:

don't start with the whining, punk.

And last but definitely not the least: Cat bus!

 

I think the still is from that part when they were watching their mom from afar.

We got it already framed and in nice condition. I saw similar items on Ebay and the cheapest was around P1.2k unassembled, unframed. plus delivery charges from outside the country. We got it for P200 yay! Now which wall. I was thinking of hanging it in the toilet. haha. three pairs of eyes watching you. freaky. of course I'm joking.

So all those items for P270. not bad for me :)

Of course I felt bad leaving the kendo sticks behind. They were heavily priced at P1k each. But hey the bamboo kendo still sounded good when I struck M with it. She was too shocked to strike back harharhar.

-568: seven years ago.

repost from the old blog, seven years ago.

finally i encountered it again earlier today.
an orange afternoon.

an orange afternoon full of orange people walking here and there. orange cars. orange walls, orange trees, orange blades of grass.

i've been missing this for a long time now, this particular moment among countless ones in a day when the world, as if in the middle of a very long sermon suddenly stops and everything stands still. and for a moment, just for a moment, something rushes into my veins. 

the wind passes by and caresses the abandoned. 

for once, the itch to be desired, the longing for wisdom, the hunger for truth - they all seem to be satisfied all at the same time.

everything moves, yet everything stands still.

- 485: crazy times

repost from my old blog. i miss working at home actually.
 ===

hi i'm moonbeam.
right now i'm editing a video, erasing someone's bloodied hands while he screams to death.
my dog is howling, bothered by the heavy subwoofer sounds of our neighbor.
beside me is my mother, asking me every 5 minutes if the beaded accessory she's attaching to her blouse is straight. she laughs everytime i tell her it's not. and i tell her it's crooked all the time.
the fish in the aquarium is chasing the smaller one, and he bumps on one side every now and then.
the drunk neighbor is now singing his version of the pamela song.
and our other neighbor has been playing it for four days straight now.
i love ebtg's old friends music video.
when i was a child i used vicks vaporub to connect my voltes V toy.
got lost in the mall once when i was 6.
mistaken for a girl thrice on the phone this month.
fell in love a couple of times when i was in college.
fell in a manhole once when i was 19.
shaved a spot on my head once when i was 16.
attacked by a bat once this month.
hi i'm moonbeam.
and in my side of the world, everything is perfectly normal.
pass the kryptonite please.
(moonbeam swallows the kryptonite and jumps off the building)

31: alone while waiting for the laundry alarm

I am
staring at my patch of the sky
mentally cropping out
urban details
leaving only stars
clouds
you.

I could be
in a different place
staring at the same sky.
same stars
clouds
a hint of the moon
you.

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30: we are all memories.

Met with a friend earlier near my former workplace. A lot of things have changed there, starting with the new mall, upgraded commercial establishments etc. It's a bit hard to recognize what they used to be actually.

Before taking my ride home I decided to stay a bit and from where I stood just take it all in - the little corners, small convenience stores, vendors. Big things have changed, but little remnants were still there - that old empty building where I used to buy some supplies, the 24hour fastfood where we used to stay during wee hours and rant ourselves to death about work with.

You could almost feel them fighting to remain, fighting to stay there to remind you of what this place once was. Maybe some more months and they're totally gone.


====


I used to have this dream of an old bench on a limbo, and in this place I was able to talk to some friends from former lives, and they were how I remembered them. Priceless little conversations and silly laughter.

Sometimes I find myself going back to that limbo place wishing that I meet you there and not in this place and time and situation where we consciously or unconsciously hide beneath layers of events or experiences that we believe have shaped who we are now. We tell ourselves we're different now, but we're not.

See you at the bench.









ok. bad photo. bad literal connection. can't help it. haha. but there's a kitty looking at you so it's fine I guess. oookeey stopping now.

29: angry rat

So there I was waiting for my bus ride home around midnight last night and I was there at the waiting shed along Ayala Ave and it was raining and I forgot my umbrella but it's not part of this story but anywayyyy

There was this huuge rat scampering about the trash bin and I think it didn't notice me standing still, so it just went about scavenging for food (no mr rat dont go there that's the plastic bin there 's no food there! the other bin the other bin!) after some time (several buses and disappointed conductors later) mr huge rat finally leaves the trash bin with something in its mouth. it literally passed by my feet totally ignoring me.

that's when i suddenly stomped a foot just to surprise mr huuge rat.

It got surprised. the food in its mouth fell and it stopped moving and stared at me for a long time before it got its food back between its whiskers, and ran away.


I think I got cussed by a rat.

heyyy i missed blogging. hello to all my blog fans. yes everyone! yes all five of you you know who you are. haha.


happy weekend everyone.

28: we're all bastards

from this point on i'm calling this my own personal meme - if i want to talk to myself through my posts, i'll talk to jon snow instead. this is fun try it!. i think i've been doing it for quite some time now. foooor exampowl:

you know nothing, jon snow.

ye direct quote from ASOIF but still a good reminder whenever i encounter dead ends or disappointments.

eat your heart out, jon snow.

go home, jon snow. you don't belong here.

know the more important things, jon snow.

know what you want, jon snow.

think before you act, jon snow.

you're eating too much rice again, jon snow.

you're not immortal, jon snow.

put your mind to it, jon snow. the director will be coming soon and you havent polished your edit yet.

clean your room, jon snow.

you should be cleaning your room instead of writing facebook posts, jon snow.

you can't cross that wall jon snow.

oh and the wall! the wall! such a great metaphor for a lot of things. hahahaha.

face the wall, jon snow.

feel the wall, jon snow. - whenever i feel resistance in some people.

give them the wall, jon snow - whenever you face people you dont like. haha.

start climbing, jon snow.

protect the wall, jon snow.

you're now the wall, jon snow.

you need to be the wall, jon snow.

burn down the wall, jon snow.

heyyyy i'm not geeking all over ASOIF. i'm just mmm passionate whenever i feel like it.

ok back to cleaning the room.

dust creatures are real i swear.

27: about hesitations and okay. love.

I think when you go for that love/relationship thing, you just need to be aware of the risks you are going to take. admit that once you start, you will never walk away from this unscathed. and if you really want it, go give it all you've got.

all the other things (rebound issues, etc) really don't matter in the long run. Maybe as long as you're both in it together, it will work. Yes you have to believe me. :)

26: i am frodo.

I admit it, come to me fuming mad against another person and i will always frustrate you with that benefit of the doubt phrase. maybe i give my trust so easily but this is far from being merely passive about issues going on around now.

I've had my own share of fights. Frak I've been openly shamed in meetings for being vocal about my stand on issues in the workplace before, but I didn't give a damn. so I think I can give a good fight when I need to. But now I feel strangely distant.

Ye cheesy as it may sound but I still believe in humanity. Maybe when I witness first hand the wrong things or the wrong person, only then will I decide for myself. But otherwise, I always stay in that corner of the room and hold my judgment.

(im not making any sense so let me try to use examples)

So. perhaps I am more of a trusting Frodo Baggins than a suspecting Samwise Gamgee.

But I am fully aware of the risk. I know that Frodo trusted Gollum and in the end lost a finger for it. Hey I'm even aware of what happened to ever-trusting ever honorable Ned Stark. But still.

Maybe its my own attempt to find sense in this crazy world. Maybe a part of me believes that such trust given to a person can somehow make a person trustworthy. Maybe.

I'm counting my fingers now. If and when I survive this ordeal, let me show you my fingers once more and count with me.

Yes yes, you can come with us, Gollum.

25:

Dear you,

I have to admit things are starting to lose their color and all these songs are beginning to sound the same.

I'm finding that these little stories i save for the weekends might not really make any sense.

How are you doing? What did you eat for lunch? Did you find a good spot on your train this morning? Did you see anything funny on your way home?

It's too quiet now.

Heeey.

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24: of counting KMs and time travel

Strange.
I've set my Zen to play the highest rated songs, and so far the preselected songs are those I haven't heard yet. I double checked and yes they all got five stars in my list. Hmmm someone must be tinkering with my player.

But the strange thing is, I like these songs. I would've given them the same stars they already have. A time traveller perhaps? Future me with a time machine and lots of time to waste. Ye that must be it.

Or I 've been playing and rating songs in my sleep again. Better that than calling people randomly perhaps.

======

For the past few months I've started running in the morning  whenever I got the chance to, and now I'm being invited by an officemate to participate in a running event. My initial reaction is nooooo im not up for those things. no really i'm not the sporty type and my endurance is low as in very low because of my severe asthma history ( i carry my inhaler with me all the time!)

But tomorrow I'll try to run that 3k distance and see how i measure up. Oh darn I just checked the flyer and the minimum run is 5k. poof.
I'll try to run 3k tom anyway. I've plotted my 3k around the office area thanks to google maps. This plotting and planning is fun ha-ha-ha. (thunder).
hehe i think come tomorrow i'll scrap all these 3k stuff and just run for the heck of it until I run out of breath as usual.

=====

Dear George Martin,
why start a great battle when i need to sleep early?

23: of refuge and paper reams.

There was this secret spot back in college where I go to whenever i just want to be alone with my thoughts.

Well it's not really a secret since it was part of the smoking area of a coffee shop/arts gallery, but people seldom stay there because 1.) the table and chairs placed in that area were the worst 2.) it's the spot nearest to the airconditioner exhausts 3.) it faced the parking lot. But most people then didnt know that if you stay there at the right time, i.e. around 5-6pm, the parked cars begin to move out and you see the open field beyond the parking lot. and for 20-30 minutes you see dancing blades of grass bathed in that elusive magic-hour sun. I usually order a cup of jasmine tea (P40 then) and prepare myself for that show, alone with my thoughts for the day. Anyway, I miss having such places. I've been working here in Makati for quite some time now, and so far I havent seen a place I can claim as my own in that manner.

====

M has this recent urge to buy a ream of short bond paper. She constantly tells me that and later retracts, admitting that she really has no urgent use of it. But I understand her, really. Perhaps this coming payday I'll surprise her with one.

We admit that we are school supplies and plastic container freaks.

22: travelling and searching.

last night there were only around 7 - 8 of us on the bus, and throughout most of our travel this bus conductor kept on checking under the seats for something. I was almost tempted to ask him what the problem was until I heard him tell the bus driver that he really has lost his pen. a minute later he resumed searching. even after we left the bus i think he continued to look under every seat.

if only i had my pencil case with me i would've made someone happy.

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21: the dogs

I was harassed by a small peer of dogs on my way home tonight, literally.
As I was walking down our main street I saw them from afar, around seven or eight adult dogs, and they surrounded another white canine with the collar, perhaps a new one. They were all barking out loud I can hear them even with my headphones on.

So there I was, passing them by. I could've sworn I saw the expression of relief the bullied dog had as he/she ran away.

Oh it's my turn to be bullied.

Like what they did to the white one, they surrounded me and followed me, all the time barking. Thank heavens I had my headphones on, ignoring them was much easier. And hey now I believe that not maintaining eye contact with aggressive dogs do work in such situations. after several yards they gave up and left me.

hmm now i wonder what they were all barking at me for.
"bakitngayonkalang?/ saan ka galing?/ may dala ka bang pagkain? /may naaamoy akong pagkain!/ may buto ka ba may buto ka ba?/ taga dito ka ba?/ anong problema mo?/ hoy tumingin ka sa akin!"
or maybe they were all nice dogs after all.
"laro tayo! laro tayo! laro tayo! laro tayo! laro tayo! laro tayo! laro tayo! laro tayo! laro tayo! laro tayo! laro tayo! laro tayo! laro tayo!"

not.
===


i'm badly missing a lot of people these days.
Some i dont see because of crazy work schedules, while some I deliberately chose to distance myself from for now.

Hey you.
This is me in my most complicated moment.
I know most of the time I overthink overfeel overdream things.

I just want you to know that i'm still here.
Hey you.
this is the part where I ask you to never let me go.

20: the one about haircuts and backing off.

I've had my hair cut extremely short again last sunday.
Weird, nobody in the office recalls me sporting the same haircut months ago. hence the jeers/taunts upon seeing me, as if I've never had it before. If I remember correctly, it was even shorter the last time.

===

What do you do when those days reach you - you sink in with the crowd, but feel the connection with the people that matter to you slowly dissolve, or you begin to doubt that there ever was a connection? maybe it was just you being excited about the possibilities of finding a kindred spirit, what do you do then?

You back off a bit, pick up your headphones, and play some heavy Switchfoot music. And ride your own wave.

Hold your own, know your name, go your own way.

19:about something that is meant specifically for you.

yesterday M was having a hard time describing to me what she saw on the pavement when she left her office. She said that it was around the time of the magic hour (5;30-6:00pm) and how the setting sun hit the red side of the pavement and how it seemed to glow in a straight line.. or something. I laughed at her expressions and frustration. I just told her that perhaps it was meant only for her; that's why I can't imagine it or even share her awe based on her descriptions. If that beautiful afternoon is meant for me too, I'll chance upon it one time or another when I pass by that road to greenbelt around the same time.

Maybe there are things meant specifically for one person. But secretly I wish I'd see that beautiful afternoon too.

18: when i came home from the company outing

Just got home from the company’s 3 day outing. I met the sea again.

I badly wanted to throw rocks at the sea all day but I decided to stop after around my 10^th because there were people with me. Whisper a secret or a rant to a rock and throw it out to sea with all your strength. I’ve been doing this for sometime now, and it does help me.

I walked the whole shore line, looking down at the many little stones washed ashore, pretending to hear some stones crying out to me “please take me back home” and picking them up and throwing them back to sea. Fly away home, stone!

We did a little exploration of the area and found an unfinished home full of ceramic tile collages on the rooftop. That will be one of the highlights of my stay there. We were there on the rooftop, surrounded by wonderful tile art, and the sun was setting and everything was quiet. we had a good view of the sea, a gentle wind came every now and them and we were all in awe of the place. I want to have a rooftop like that in my lifetime.

Floated all afternoon on the pool staring at the clouds, and tried my best to remember how it feels like being weightless. Melt them thoughts and worries away.

---

About that bond. (and I have no idea if you would understand what I’m trying to say here.)

I have to admit that I was looking for a certain conversation I later realized you won’t find in a large group. That one where you just spontaneously spill out your thoughts about things about many many things and you feel that you really are connecting with the person you are sharing your conversation with.

I’ve had such conversations only with M and a very few people. Maybe that’s what they call kindred spirits.

Well I had a few of such conversations, but somehow I was secretly wishing that such conversations lasted a whole afternoon or a whole night.

Kindred spirits. Is that what we really have? Or do we really even have it?

----

I badly miss you M.

017: flash bang

a neighbor decided to install this motion activated spotlight in front of their gate. everytime i come home late at night i pass this spot and i'm flooded by a very bright lamp for about 3 seconds then it automatically turns off again. so for the past several nights i walk several yards and reach our gate still half blind from that enormous lamp.

if my life is a stealth video game, all you have to do is find a good spot, wait for that spotlight to trip off and shut down again, then voila you have one blinded opponent you can make a move on.

016: ohmayhigad

aaminin ko na ang nilu-look forward ko tuwing nakakatakbo ako sa umaga ay yung pag magpapahinga na ako sa ilalim ng puno. tagaktak ang pawis habang nakikinig ng Up Dharma Down o Dishwalla o Switchfoot. Yung tipong unting hangin lang ramdam na ramdam mo dahil nga sa pawis mo. Tapos ramdam na ramdam mo yung pagkakaiba ng nasa lilim ka na kesa yung kaninang naaarawan ka.

Pero kanina may kasama akong apat na higad.

Sa ngayoooon, hindi pa naman ako nangangati. Wah may presentation pa naman ako mamaya.

Katihin na ako sa hipon wag lang sa higad.

Oh my hipon.

015:

014: happiness and the long way back home via bus

On my way home tonight I noticed a small girl sitting on the other side of the bus smiling all throughout our long trip.

She had this smile mmm maybe like that of a child watching a funny cartoon on the tv - wide eyes, careless smile and all. Perhaps she really was just enjoying that bus trip along edsa on a late rainy night, but she had such an intoxicating smile I can't help but smile myself as I left the bus.

I wish I could keep all my happy memories in a bottle so that I can open it up when I need them the most.
- Allan, Martial Law Babies (Arnold Arre)

Maybe finding happiness in the tiniest detail of everyday life really does make a difference.

Sometimes there are things, moments you find peculiarly special to you, although no matter how you try to describe it to other people they just won't get it.

Maybe it's the song that played randomly as the cold typhoon rain brushed your face, or that shared grocery basket, or maybe that unexpected pat on the back before you go home - the reason behind doesnt really matter, but the fact that at that precise moment you can't help but smile - you really should write that down.

Happy fleeting moments - where do they go when they're forgotten?

Maybe I really should learn to smile more - yellow teeth, wrinkled eyes, and all.

=========

In ooooother news I still have to stay up late because I have to finish something I promised for a friend. It's a good thing the workload tomorrow is not that heavy though I still have to be there at the office by 10am. Ok its a doodle for someone special who's gone away and I sincerely hope I honor her memory.

I need some good music to keep me up until around 4am. hmmmmmm Dave Matthews I choose you!

013: new song

1:30am
on my way home tonight my player was on random mode and it consecutively gave me three sappy songs by sinatra, vienna teng, and a track from a korean melodrama album.

the jeepney driver was having his own music session too but with my headphones on, i can only feel the thud thud thud of his speakers on my butt.

and then a funny thing happened - the hiphop beats i feel on my butt blended well with the sappy trio.
both were rhythmically playing in my ears


at around 1:35am the universe conspired to play its own mixed cd.

at around 1:40am, my jeep was flying along quirino highway, and i listened to a korean singer wailing of a broken heart, on the spot remixed.

toogs toogs toogs everyone. good night.

012: this is for you, on a rainy night.

sometimes i wonder
if you can read me.

if you can go beyond the layers
of everyday eccentricities
that i so diligently place over myself.
the thoughts
the stories
the poems
i place in front of what i really feel.

sometimes i wonder
if you can read me.

to reach me, and stubbornly insist
that we sit down
hide our clocks
and
just
see.

oh you with those knowing eyes and the cautious smile.
you with that careless laughter and funny frown
you effortlessly interchange
whenever i try
to describe
the things i see
from where i sit.

sometimes i wonder
if you can read me.

i'll tell you a story.
find me.

011:si lola elang at ang suman

magaling gumawa ng suman ang lola ko.

random shuffling of my hair
pinching my arms
calloused hands
ventolin inhaler
imported candies perpetually displayed in locked glass cabinets
kumusta ka na, ilang taon ka na (repeat everytime we meet)
linoleum covered makeshift dining table
knowing and glowing eyes behind thick glasses
inch-thick drinking glass
checking if the towel on my back is soaked wet
laughing while speaking in Ilocano
imported chocolates to be handed to me right before we leave for Manila
coughing while laughing
laughing while coughing


hi lola,
save us a good spot in Aslan's land.
we'll miss you.
regards to lolo.

010: about the long commute and many other things

one thing M and I both love about the long commute to work/home is that we get the chance to read a book, listen to an entire album or form stories in our heads using the people around us as characters.

==

lately i've been thinking about relationships.

i don't know how we got that but most of the time we are very protective of ourselves when it comes to new people we meet.

perhaps when we start tearing down our wall of expectations, only then can we see and appreciate people for who they really are.

good things start from there.
acceptance is a prelude to beautiful things.

009: something to listen / something to read:

this is from an interview with Switchfoot's Jon Foreman:

Enough to Let Me Go.


"Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other." --Carl Jung

"Faith is the highest passion in a human being. Many in every generation may not come that far, but none comes further." --Soren Kierkegaard

This one started with the guitar hook I came up with during sound-check; however, most of the song took shape in a hotel room in Australia. I was thinking about how love (not just lust or codependency that commonly flood the tunes on the airways) actually involves quite a bit of faith. There's a lot of letting go involved. Two souls in love is an intricate dance of give and take. I can be a fairly solitary person from time to time. Sure, I love being with people, but I also need time alone. I guess I thrive on the poles. So this song is about the dance involved in a relationship the coming together and letting go. The song equates love with breathing- pulling in and releasing. Or a seed, for the seed to grow it has to be dropped and buried.

In our barcode media, love is often portrayed as consumption. As consumers in a commercial driven culture we can begin to view other souls as objects, or potential cures for our deepest fears and insecurities. "Perhaps if I found the right lover I would no longer feel this deep existential despair." But of course no human soul could be the Constant Other, the face that will never go away. Only the infinite can fill that role. But the silence can be deafening. It's a fearful thing to be alone. Do you love me enough to let me go? "I can't live without you" - "I would die if you ever left me" - These are not the songs of love, these are the songs of consumption.

======

listen to the album and read through the article. good soul food.:)

008 i have dirty hands most of the time.

that's me reading George Martin, with a warm blanket and feeling a bit sleepy



when i wiggle my fingers those missiles dance out of control


the bring it on creature


the happy dazed creature


this was supposed to be a baby.

007 run run run

kaninang umaga may nakita akong matandang metro aide na inaayos ang kaniyang walis tingting. nakakalas ang walis, at iniisa isa niyang pinagpapantay pantay lahat bag bigkisin muli.

kaya ko na ang dalawang ikot sa active park ng dirediretsong takbo!! yahu. sana bukas makatatlo na ako.:)

may nagtanong sa akin kanina kung nasaan ang AIM. sinagot ko ng ingles. okaaay naman, baligtad lang ang sabi ko dapat yung left, right. tumakbo na lang ako palayo nung marealize ko.

ano pa ba magandang running song?

006

005:thank you

004: wet pants

rainy morning.

earlier today on my way to work i chose to walk on the other side of the road, away from the roofed walkway.

i somehow enjoy long walks when it's raining, feeling the tap tap tap of the rain on your umbrella trying desperately to reach you.

I think there's a difference between walking on a sunny day and walking now - people are always rushing to wherever they're going when it's raining for fear of getting wet/partially wet.

So i walk slow. puddles everywhere, each one showing a different reflection a different thought a different memory to recall.

add to that Jason Mraz singing Better, play loop until i reach our office.
I feel better already despite being here on a rainy saturday.

Rain saturdays . I should be home, reading a good book.

003: looking back

i've just rummaged through my old blogs, looking for entries to repost as fillers while i do my drawings and i found myself actually enjoying them. I find it amusing to suddenly recall little packets of memories, those minute details that i've already forgotten about the many little things i saw on the street, little funny incidents, and all.

Haha yes the word juvenile comes to mind; most of my sentiments then i see as juvenile now. But then again, those thoughts were all precious to me then and still a part of me now. One word i can really use to sum up all those things i've written in all my past blogs is grace.

It has really been a wonderful journey from blog to blog, and through it all I can say with full conviction that His grace is sooo uncompromising, and is always full.

Here's to many more years of stories!

Share yours.:)

( now and then i'll be reposting old good stuff :) )